Emotional Intelligence & Success
What is your IQ (intelligence quotient)? Unless you are a member of Mensa (those who score in the uppermost ranges of any IQ instrument), IQ is a relatively insignificant measure, especially in adulthood.
What about your EQ (emotional quotient)? EQ and Emotional Intelligence (EI) have been researched and written about extensively for more than 30 years, beginning with Howard Gardner’s book on multiple intelligences in 1983 through Daniel Goleman’s significant work in the 1990s. EQ is having "intelligence," or information about how our emotions, and those of others, affect our interactions and relationships. In addition, EI includes the element of responding to and managing emotions.1
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EQ is now thought to be as important as IQ—or even more so—when determining personal and professional success. Having emotional intelligence means that you are confident, good at working toward your goals, adaptable, flexible, and resilient, and you recover quickly from stressful situations, according to Goleman.2
EQ Quadrants
Goleman's is perhaps the most easily understood of the many EQ models. He outlines 4 main competencies:
1. Self-awareness is having insight into our individual emotional makeup, how we express emotions, what triggers them, and what sensations accompany them.2. Self-management is the ability to act on or use our emotions, and how we choose to respond to situations, including stress.3. Social awareness is understanding others’ emotional states and responses—what some call our ability to “read” people accurately. It includes empathy, which is the ability to experience, to some degree, what is going on for others without actually having the experience ourselves.4. Relationship management is the ability to use all 3 competencies so that interaction with others is mutually satisfying. It includes effective communication, conflict competency, and respectfully appreciating differences.
Related Article: Secrets to Self-Awareness
What does EQ have to do with positivity and happiness? Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations,3 suggests that everything we say or do leaves a wake that is rarely neutral. Our words and actions can impact people negatively, which, in turn, affects the success of our interactions and relationships. Being emotionally aware of ourselves and others allows us to more accurately assess the wake we create. Managing the emotions can make the difference between a wake that rocks all the boats in the water and one that is an almost imperceptible ripple. Choosing positivity is a way to more consistently create a positive wake.
Improving Your EQ
While there is not much opportunity to change your IQ, there are many ways to develop and improve your EQ. Using a model can help translate learning into action. The 4 Corners of Empathetic Assertiveness model by Marcia Hughes of Collaborative Growth will help:
Identify where you are with respect to specific EQ competencies
Provide a common language for discussion
Provide a framework for action for the desired behavioral change.
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How can you improve your own EQ? First, look at the 4 corners of empathetic assertiveness and ask yourself how well you perform in these areas. It often helps to recall a specific recent experience where you interacted with a team member or client.
For example, as a front-line administrator in a busy small animal practice, you may need to ask others to do something that they may not really want to do. Think about the vowels and ask yourself:
Am I assertive?
Do I demonstrate empathy?
How well do I control impulsive language and behavior?
What level of optimism do I convey?
Consider the difference between these responses:
“Mary, I would like you to do what I ask without hearing all of your excuses for why you can’t do something. You make me really mad! I wonder if you’re really capable of doing this job.”
“Mary, I need your help with answering phone calls today in addition to your other duties. I know you’re really busy and I wouldn’t ask this if there were other solutions. I know you can do this, and we can work together to make it a great day!”
Develop the habit of assessing the wake that you create. Strive for balance among the model’s 4 quadrants. Intentionally practice the EQ skills that you want to improve.
If you do, you’ll be rewarded with a higher level of happiness for yourself and those around you.
Remember—it's as easy as buying a vowel!